Sunday, October 31, 2010

Day 304: Happy Halloween

I just slept through trick or treating.

November Is The Cruelest Month

Nothing is predictable in November,
you cannot trust your footing.
There is this beautiful world
and then the rains come
the wind blows colored leaves around
leaving trees baron throughout
the fields and forests.
The ground is covered
first by dead leaf blankets,
as you walk
you cannot see
there is a hole,
a snake
just a rock to trip on.

It is not predictable when
the cold begins. I should have
shut my bedroom window by now,
but what if
I have to escape in the night?
What if they come?
You know,
the polar bears
the hurricanes?
What if I have to get out on my own?

And the driving may get tricky
already there isn’t enough light.
No, there isn’t enough light
for the next four months;
we’ll feel that way.
Is it real?

And people, will they turn on me?
Will they stop loving me because
it is cold
And the potential of ice
And the armour
And the exhaustion
And the
Unpredictable way in which
people pretend to be jolly, but they are not.
And the desire for a rich dark red velvet.

I will wear a robe
dark red velvet, thick,
wrapped around me
my tall pointed dark red
hat with crescent moons painted
on the cone. My wand is
black and silver with an
opal crescent moon upon the top.

I have a new spell
I’ll use it to make winter
a meditative moment of silence.
instead of trying to celebrate
the death, we can celebrate rebirth,
before Spring. As leaves fall
ice and snow arrive,
we can understand

I need that wand
and a hawk, his talons wrapped
around my leather glove,
holding on to my arm;
brown leather over red velvet
to remind me I am solid
in my aloneness; that my spells
have messages of kindness.
That I am aware of my gifts.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Day 303

I am grateful for honesty.

I am grateful for civility.

I am grateful for the warmth of brown and orange.

I am grateful for compassion.

I am grateful for the love in my life.

oh yeah, and I'm grateful for desert.

and a whole lot of silliness.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Day 302

Another friday come and gone and not enough accomplished, however, today I hung out with children and that was fun.

And as the sun was setting the Rag Tag Parade went on with a marching band and everything. It actually was really sweet. Parents and children all marched and there were a lot of inventive costumes. Many of my students were there with their kids.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Day 301

The last 64 days, here we go.

Today marked a huge turn in the seasons. I know it is Indian Summer and the temps are way too high, but the color has gone to burgandy, brown, gold and evergreen. The hills were covered in mist this morning and as I pulled into College Drive the sun was trying to poke out and it was lighting up splashes on the hillsides. It was a painting of mist and brilliant yellow.

Something seems to be not working right on tonight and I cannot download photos, so I think I will just post this. I had wanted to post an old poem about November and a couple other photos. Oh well...

The only other thing is that I know I have friends and familly going through extremely difficult times at the moment, I mean extremely difficult. I know nothing seems to be the right thing to say or do, but I want you all to know I love you, and as you have been here for me, i am here for you. Hold that in your hearts.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Day 300

I have intentionally documented the past 300 days. I feel slightly in awe of myself; committing to anything recently has been extremely difficult. But for 300 days I have taken at least 3 photos in the day and I have written at least a couple of sentences. Not all of it is good, but some of it is really good.

I was asked yesterday if I were grieving and I answered I was continuing to speak to Mom every morning and ask her for the advice I would have asked her for if she were still alive.
"Do you feel a carved out hole when you talk to her?"
... a carved out hole, no, maybe some yarn pulled from the weave of the blanket
the handle of the cup gone
I noticed that there are fewer feathers in the pillow.
Grief is subtle, but I'm paying attention. I'm paying attention on Day 300

Hope and the Gull

The gull sat on the wall
his black striped tale feathers
in contrast with the bright white
body feathers ruffled by the wind.

He was not afraid of me.
He was able to let me close
enough to photograph
his orange make up and
slight dusting of tan head feathers.

This small beach that my
instincts brought us to
was sheltered, on the
Nantucket Sound with
break ways built every
100 feet dividing the beach into
segments the birds used.

Cormorant in one
plover and sand piper the next
gulls and I believe sea ducks

they floated
and scampered on the sand
as the water receded
picking up sea creatures
dozens of sea snails
all stuck together
gripping each other's homes.

The sun glistened off
the cold dark blue water
70 degrees on Oct. 23rd.

I chose not to go down
to the sea
for the first time in my life.
I stood on top and
made pictures
of you and the birds.

I chose not to go down to the sea.
Instead I stood with this
brave gull
transforming from adolescence
to adulthood, brown
feathers leaving white.

He and I chose
to sit in the wind
and watch as sea life
did what it
had to do to keep on living.
Witnessing the natural rhythm of time.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Day 299

I know you've heard this on Tuesday night before, but I wrote some good stuff and I promise I will post it, but tonight you get gorgeous photos. GORGEOUS!!!!

It was hot out there today. It went from stormy to sunny and hot and back to rain which made for interesting light. I stood up on Poet's Seat and 50 geese honked by as the sun set in a yellowy glow. You should also know I started off grumpy but by the time I got to writing I wasn't any more.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Day 298

I am confused by my everyday life. The extras and the novelties are easy for me to process and experience, but the everydayness is a challenge.

One of the variables that I have kept track of for the past 298 days is the daily weather. It's like nursery school in pictures. Today it is..... I wanted to do that. I've often felt that we New Englanders have no sense of how our weather actually does go, all summers are too hot and all winters too hard. I know that's not true, so I made the decision on day one to keep track of the weather. I have a weather slide show which is really fascinating.

Today is October 25, 2010. It is rainy outside.

Anyway, today I was thinking that there were other things that I would like to keep track of, for instance the time the sun sets everyday, or some of the bird migrations. Now I know I probably have Mr Robin's life mapped out some. He's gone south, he's definitely not around, I haven't photographed him in a couple of weeks.

The other thing I would like to have kept track of is my moods. Today I am grumpy. When I was about 10 Arthur gave me a doll that you could rotate depending on your mood, either you could be sad, happy, mad or, I don't remember what the 4Th side was. I was so offended by the present. I felt the adults were making fun of my moodiness. They were making fun of my moodiness. Anyway, it might have been interesting for me to see how moody I still am. Today, I am grumpy!!!!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Day 297

I've been thinking a lot about the meaning of funerals this past few days. Now that may sound morbid, but it isn't. Funerals are incredibly important events and the way they are set up, I think, says a lot about the setter upper and also about the mourners. How do we give ourselves and others a place to grieve? Once I have formulated my ideas a little bit more I will write the stories that lead me to this line of questioning. But until then, I'll just pose that question.

I caught up on my sleep.
I went to the coop to eat.

I went for a little walk.
and I had tea with Karina.

October is almost complete. The foliage peaked. The heat is on. I hope for at least 3more weeks of no snow, but the time is coming. I also hope that things like unemployment get straightened out before the end of the month. Tonight I am warm, fed and relatively happy.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Day 296

It was a wonderful weekend. The weather was perfect and Loren and I didn't shut up for 36 hours. It was what the doctor ordered except neither of us was use to sleeping with someone else so sleep wasn't in the cards. Therefore, I am going to bed and will continue tomorrow.