Monday, May 31, 2010

Day 151

I'm sorry for last night, but I had promised Emma a real sleep over when I paid attention to her instead of my blog. Oh, children..... No, she's great, she makes me happy and I love her big time.

Today has been a wonderful photography day. The light has been special and it is truly the first day of summer here. Memorial Day marks that first day of bbq'a and the swimming hole opens. We didn't do the bbq, but we headed for the swim and it looked like there was a member from every continent represented at the river today. It was a remarkable lesson in cultural diversity. I took lots of pictures, but I'm not sure I should put them on my blog. Maybe a couple......

We also brought Rachel up to see Emma's home. It's such a cool place for kids. They all love it so much. Those animals all co-exist so well, it makes no sense, except they act towards each other the way the people act towards them. It's really sweet.

And on top of everything we got an ice cream. Yep, perfect day especially if you don't look at the sink, or the bills, or the unreturned phone calls.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Day 150

I have the charming and beautiful Emma with me tonight, so I won't be writing anything clever. Emma says, "BURP" See what I mean?

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Day 149

Home from Connecticut, Edite and I got a day trip together and we got to see Mom who is strong and doing ok today. She's doing ok. We visited a little, then we went down to the marina and had a nice lunch at a nice place, walked a little, saw the ocean, and went back and visited a little longer. We came on home by 6 and sat in Edite's garden and drank tea.

I think I've decided to go for my therapist's license and be able to hang a shingle. I also think I'm going to go back to my fruit drink in the morning and some other life affirming actions. But first I am getting a lot of sleep tonight. So good night and sleep tight.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Day 148

I almost threw this out last night because I didn't think the bud would bloom. That would have been really dumb of me, I would have missed out on a lot.

The world has been an odd place today. A lot of people were still out of work and schools were shut down so the traffic was huge. There were also a trillion big rig trucks hanging around cutting trees, fixing wires, parked on bizarre corners taking a break. Lots of them throughout the town. The sounds of saws and chippers dominated even the birds, who were much happier today than they were yesterday.

I hung out and I hope I'm over my cold. I'm still sneezing, but there is enough pollen in the air to sink a ship. You can photograph the pollen its so thick. When the evening light started shining into my bathroom window the amount of dust and pollen in the air was frightening.

ok, so here's my I am grateful. I'm posting it on the blog for the day because it's just been one of those weeks and I don't have a lot to say tonight.

I am grateful for a cool evening breeze and a full moon night.
I am grateful for the Greenfield Swimming Pool.
I am grateful for the Greenfield DPW, did I say that last night, well let me say it again.
I am grateful for my students, and I will miss them over the summer.
I am grateful for vacation plans, one in June and one in August. YAAYAY

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Day 147:

I've already written my post for this blog, but I'm sitting in the middle of a restaurant in probably the least convenient spot for the workers and I'm not going to sit here to place everything on. I'll try to get some pictures up.

Know I am ok.
I have plenty of flashlights.
So I'm back up. COOL
So here's what I wrote.

Last night I went through the most frightening storm I've witnessed since the blizzard of '78. Now this storm wasn't as long or big as the blizzard, but it was filled with micro-bursts. Two storms collided over us. The sound that woke me was startling, I realized rain was coming in sideways from the west and it caused my framed pictures on my stairwell to fall. I got up to close the two windows near me just as lightening, which was bouncing all around, struck a huge maple and sent sparks from, I believe, a pole flying in the air. It could be that lightening struck both a pole and a tree right in front of me and then I heard a huge strike and crash, a tree came down just on the other side.

I lay down on my bed, the power had gone with the sparks. I lay there for awhile waiting for my cozy tree house of a bedroom to become chaos. I had seen a flashlight on the stairwell window sill on my way up and I just hoped that water had not harmed it. I felt around in the dark waiting for a flash and found it. It worked and as I viewed my stairwell I realized not one piece of glass had broken.

Downstairs I thought maybe my cable would still be ok, the box was flashing, the phone was out and no internet. No information. I realized I had no batteries for my radio either and luckily the one battery operated clock was fine.

The storm relaxed, DPW guys in pick ups came by with flashing lights and my neighbor, who is a captain in the police department, hopped in his cat and flew out of here. Sirens started passing and the horns of fire trucks.

I went back up to bed. The only danger I thought about was "what if the maple tree in front comes down on my bedroom?"

I woke up twice during the night , turned my trusty flashlight on and read. When I got up and came downstairs it was 7:30. I threw on my clothes and grabbed my camera. I was not the first investigator to show.

They say it will be Saturday before I get power. I have no nothing. The kids have gathered all afternoon to clean up the big tree and the town has been working nonstop cleaning up multitudes of trees that came down all over the valley. Not one limb came down on my property. Thank God. At Emma's school there are 3 or 4 down. At the college several small trees were lifted up from the roots. The damage is extensive from both lightening and a funnel.

Yet the flowers still shine through.

For me the experience is all metaphorical. Margie had a dream Saturday night that she and Grace got lifted up high by a funnel and landed back down on her feet. Then last night she was at her mother in law's when one did lift a tree pretty close to them, too. I just felt like I was Dorothy and besides the inconvenience of no power, I am fine, head cold and all.

This experience of having someone you love so much die slowly is a funnel and Margie is right, we'll land on our feet, all of us.

But boy it sucks while we're in it!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Day 146

I stayed home from work today. I have a yucky cold and as I said last night I received bad news and I couldn't cope. My sister Margie came over for lunch. She lives away from me and I don't get to see her often enough. We use to hang together. But time and miles separated us. She's come here a few summers and used my house as home base. That's allowed us to catch up and be friends again. We had a really nice salad and then ran to Friendly's for an ice cream. I can't believe it took Mommy 90 years to find that obsession.

It was way too hot today. It reached over 100 on Main St. I did go up to town, go to the bank and hang in the Coop for a bit to cool off. Then I took myself out to China Gourmet. I wrote. I'll post my poem and a couple more pictures and hope tomorrow is brighter.

You deserve to go to a screened porch
where a creak is bubbling over
a row of rocks, rolling downhill;
the smell of earth
the sound of small splashes
an occasional leaf getting dragged along.
You have a glass of freshly squeezed
lemonade, not too sweet.
There are people you love around
but you are alone, staring out at the woods.
A scarlet tanager momentarily lands
on a branch just to your left.
It's a simple pleasure
It's comfort
and slowly you leave your tired body.

For Mom this 146th day of my project.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Day 145

It is still 88 degrees out there. The fire trucks are coming down the street, I think they passed on the highway and not on Rt. 2, but there are a lot of them. I have a bad cold and head ache, and I just got horrible news. I'm not going to write tonight, I'm going to get in a shower and go to sleep in front of a fan. But here are some cooling off photos that represent the other part of my life.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Day 144: Grace Tilton VanSteenburg's Birthday

Today was a good photo day. It was hot and sunny and summer is truly here. Emma got invited to join the girls at the pool. That was fun. I got to sit in the shade and watch them swim. I had a feeling that water was just too cold for me.

I also got to meet Edite's grandson, Saber. Talking about a cutie. He is a cutie.

Mom is a little stronger tonight

Grace is 25 today. I have this wonderful picture of Annie carrying Gracey when she was 6 months old. I love it. They both have big smiles on their faces. Grace was such a content baby. She was so easy to be with. She still is. Oh I love her.

I love the angles of this photo. I love the angles of the rooves around Edite's house. It's cooling off now. The moon is waxing, and I am sleepy. Good night.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Day 143

It is Sunday late afternoon and I am looking out over my yard. I can hear a catbird and I think the Newton’s have opened their pool because kids are playing in their backyard. Usually they are all in the Lemme’s yard playing something, but right now they are screaming it’s cold; definitely an indication that the pool is open.

The sun is shining on the backyard, a slice across the center hitting some of the roses and landing on the back end of the quince which is now got maybe 10 bright pink blossoms left on it. It is thick and dark and the sun penetrates in single places occasionally lighting up a blossom. On the back part of the grey fence white roses bloom. I don’t see them as individual roses, I see them as blots of bright white. Spider webs have formed all through the pine tree and when the sun hits just right they glisten. I guess they are providing food for all those birds. I wish I could paint the sounds of my backyard. A robin, a pair of cardinals, a tanager, a mockingbird, chickadees, and catbirds are all talking at once. I haven’t heard the woodpecker in a while, nor have I seen a hawk on the tree, but it’s still a little early for that. That tends to happen in late July. Oh there are several pairs of swallows around, too.

I found baby robin eggs on the ground, they had hatched, their eggs thrown out of the nest. I hear the babies, too, but I cannot find that nest. There is a nest in the forsythia bush, but it isn’t a robin’s nest, it’s more basket looking than a robin’s next. The foliage is so thick though there is no way to see what is hanging up in those trees. The catbirds are eating the left over watermelon. And there is a jay looking bird, maybe the female, what does a female blue jay look like?

Yes, the pool is open. Someone just jumped in. Summer is here. This is only a week early. This has been one of the most wonderful springs that I can remember. I feel so blessed by this light, this green, the way the light shines through the green maple leaves and the sounds. There’s papa robin.

I await news on Mom. She is back in the hospital with another infection. As Geoff said today, these are the most conflicting feelings, on one hand one can’t imagine life without her, on the other, none of us want her to suffer, she does not deserve to suffer. Ok God, take her, but don’t let her suffer. 5 out of the 6 of us are here with her. Mike is reachable, and they communicate differently anyway. He’s with her. She knows that.

And yet, the depth of my personal feelings is unbearable. Grief is the ghost inside my being. Ok now Chippy is coming to get some watermelon, hmmmmmm.
I think it would be easier to be sick to my stomach than to feel this unidentified stab in my gut.

Have I ever told you about my Dad?

Yesterday I went to a little memorial service for all who have passed. It was sweet. It was gentle and small and kind and it touched all. My tears were too far down to come up. I watched my new 3 year old friend play. She was so cute, she came running up to me. I was sitting on the bench that honors Matt Leighton in the Energy Park. It was a three year old greeting, joyful, physical, and then back to her Moms and then back to me. She showed me the art work she did at the craft tables and she stayed near me through most of the service. When it came time to release the butterflies, those facilitatin let the little ones do it. I went up to try to help them, they were a little tentative, both the children and the butterflies. One painted lady climbed onto my finger and sat there for a good long time. I tried to pass her to a kid, but it made them too nervous.

Emma was not with me. I had guilt about her not being with me. She would never have been tentative in that situation, she was handling butterflies by 2. Her feelings were hurt that I didn’t bring her with me, but I needed to be alone and to recognize that stab, that awful persistent stab that I have been feeling since I was in the 2nd grade. Grandpa Whiton died when I was in the 2nd grade. It made me very sad and I remember being mad that they wouldn’t let me go through the funeral process with the family, I stayed at home with Lena. I read some story in my reader about Grandpa and it made me cry and my teacher was very kind to me, I remember she held me. It’s the only time I remember any affection from a teacher.

But the stab did not become indelible until 1972. I lost too much then and although I still believe it has made me the compassionate and warm person that I am, it is when the stab began.

Have I ever told you about my father?