This is a time in my life in which I just want to be with my own feelings. I'm really glad my nieces have been here all week. They've distracted me, they've made me laugh, they made me presents and they reminded me of what is important in life. My Mom is glad that I spent the week with them and that they are still driving 18 hours to come see family. Family is important.
Last night was their last night here. Emma stayed the night and she and Anna slept upstairs. By 10:30 Emma came and got into bed with me. I turned out the light and unfortunately lay there half the night unable to sleep. I don't know why. I'm confused by the way life is suspended at the moment. I handle things differently than others. But it was not due to an unhappy day. Yesterday was lovely.
The girls were on the road by 9. Emma and I just hung out all morning alone. There were a lot of dishes to be done, art projects to be cleaned up and laundry. Diane brought the dogs over and she and Emma went off around 1 and other than a small walk, I have just been alone with the sound of the fish tank and the road.
The difference between those who are in the thick of the event and those who are not there but extremely impacted is big. One knows that when you are in the middle it is hard to find the place and time to notify others, but when you are on the sidelines and you care tremendously you don't want to be a bother and call too often, but you really need updates. This is the tension that is gnawing on me tonight.
As far as I know, my mother is still breathing. May she rest in peace.
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