Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
This is the first week of school. There is open enrollment and orientation and then classes begin. It sweeps everyone away and takes their lives over. I am so happy I got the weekend to myself before the wave hit.
I left work late, I'm afraid that will be true all week and I didn't get time for picture taking. I took a short walk and got a few. The humidity is building so the sunset was boring and the mosquitoes over zealous.
I spent a lot of time working with my photos yesterday. I didn't get any bills paid or other things done, but I organized some stuff. It is so possible for me to do this project. I really want to. I have to find a way to support myself for 4 or so months. It'd be so much fun.
OK, herons landed in my yard last night, aren't they beautiful?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
I took two naps today. I think I'm back in my own skin. Really, after 8 months of feeling out of my skin, I feel back today. Exhausted, a little scared of what's to come, but back.
One thing I did today was go down to the beaver pond at sunset. There is no signs of beavers, I think they must have been removed. And all of the cedar waxwings were gone. They've gone south for the winter already. Matter of fact, I saw very few non year round birds today.
Just the ones that can bare the snow were visible. Yet the forecast for the next 4 days is over 90 degrees. We'll welcome in the school year in a heat wave. Crazy, the whole year has been crazy.
I saw so many people today in the supermarket. Really, some I haven't seen since I started this blog. I really have to do something interesting with this project. It has really been an interesting process.
The truth is, I miss my Mom. I will miss her for a long time, I know, but I also have to turn my focus to my future now. AWESOME.
Friday, August 27, 2010
OK, this was a difficult week. (Very strange.) And on top of everything I severed my internet chord and was internetless at home. It gave me time to think and do a little writing. I wrote some good stuff and I think there is a poem emerging, but I didn't get anything on here.
This was the first Friday off in which I could just do nothing. I did a lot, but it was all for me. And then Diane and I took Emma and a friend to the little mall and we hung out in all the bad stores for an evening and it was wonderful, just what the doctor ordered. We read in Barnes and Noble for 2 hours. Forgive me, but it felt wonderful.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
There isn't a lot to say tonight. We did a small private ceremony at the gravesite for Mom today. There were ten of us there.
On Saturday David gave me a seed about an inch and a half in diameter. It was the color of mahagony and shaped like a heart. He gave it to me so I would have something in my hand or pocket or heart to make it through the day, to know I was loved. I placed it on the top of Mom's box today before they covered her up.
Hillside Cemetary is beautiful. Daddy's site was old and uncared for. Our response as adults was to promise flowers or plants. But it is a beautiful place to end a life.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Today was a day of rest. I needed it. It rained all day long. It was calm and a little difficult to sit through, but I made it.
I had dinner with an old Marlboro friend and his family. His daughter is going off to Marlboro this week. Kevin said, "Just think in 40 years you can sit and talk to your Marlboro friends like this." 40 years? Well, Kevin and I met in 1974, so damn near forty years. I saw so many people this weekend from my past, throughout my life, it was amazing, people who knew me when I was born all the way up until recently. I kinda feel like it's all one long group. That my history has no beginnings and ends. It's a continum.......
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I didn't take this picture, David did. This was after 10 hours of driving to Connecticut, sitting through the 2 hour funeral of my Mother, spending another 2 hours in a reception, going back to my Mom's house for a bit and then driving home to Massachusetts again. We are all exhausted.
I read a poem by Billy Collins, a poem by Lindy Whiton and the following at the funeral. Everybody who read and spoke did a great job. It was beautiful .
I’ve had a really hard time putting this together. That’s not usually the case with me, I’m pretty good expressing my feelings, but for some reason I couldn’t focus what I had to say. I’ve got tons of stories. Mom and I shared a lot and traveled and talked and laughed, but I haven’t been able to draw the stories together, so I’ve asked a lot of people to say something, many who couldn’t be here today and I’ve created one reading from everyone else’s sentences. So
Liz Barnum Jr. –She was often the only "adult" in my young life who took the time to listen, understand and be an advocate for sanity, fairness and compassion. Her remarkable and stunning blue eyes always perceived with clarity.
Annie Quest - Jean gave me shelter and accepted me into the family! I always felt loved and accepted in her presence. She held me in her heart and she will forever live in mine...
Jason Whiton – No voice went unheard, no interest was too small to be celebrated like a savory, fascinating discovery.
Sarah Lawson If there was one person in my life that I aspired to be like, it was her, because of her ability to love us all completely, despite our faults and our eccentricities. Because she loved what our souls said, and not always what came out of our mouths.
Jay Davis - Jean was a woman who exuded a feeling of adequacy no matter what her life was presenting, dispatched BS with good-natured skepticism, and would serve you lunch with pressed napkins, even if you just dropped by. And raised six amazing children who've become adults of some gravitas. And always kept the Beckstein polished and in tune.
Dianna Noyes - She was a gracious, elegant, kind, accepting, talented, creative, loving woman with a considerable sparkle in her eyes.
Ember Tilton I was looking for clothes to wear for tomorrow and found a nice pair of dress pants. I tried them on and they fit, then I realized the zipper was broken. It reminded me of when I was young and my mom for whatever reason would bring pants or whatever broken zippers to Gramma Jean to have them fixed or replaced. I wondered if my mom was really incapable of mending zippers or if it was just an excuse for her to see her mom?
Moriah Tilton - I feel like she personified Music. To be in her presence was like being in a sweet flowing song. Her voice, grace, class, charm, beauty were perfectly soothing, entrancing, inspiring.
Grace Tilton Van Steenburg Wow, one sentence? Everything that she said and did was Truth in the purest human form.
Kora Skeele - Sweet dreams, sweet Jean. Know that love will be wherever you are.
Kay Johnson – Jean was the definition of the salt of the earth.
Anna Berry - I did not "know" your mom, but met her on a number of occasions. What stood out to me every time I was in her presence was her way of being with you. You, me, whomever she was speaking with, listening to, watching. The word seemed to stop and shrink to the moment that was being shared together. It was a gift to have those moments.
So there is a quick compilation of peoples’ thoughts and memories. Others were said, “Your parents always encouraged us to ask questions.”
“I Remember you mother’s laugh.”
The patterns are there. MUSIC, laughter, acceptance…… and an amazing eye for beauty.
She will be missed!!!!!.
Friday, August 20, 2010
OK, so here's the situation, I still have to print out what I am reading tomorrow, sew my pants up, go to sleep, not catch cold, which isn't going to happen and get up early to go honor my mother's life in this world with a bunch of other people. Thus, I am posting photos and not writing tonight.